It can be tough getting back into the swing of things when you’ve been out of it for a few weeks. I’ll admit, it took some mental effort to sit down and write this. In my defense, I’ve been up since 4:45, and it’s now 9:20 pm. That said, I want to make less excuses for myself.
Right now, Katie, as well as several more of my friends, are hard at work on NaNoWriMo. It’s pretty inspiring, and I’m trying to channel that creative energy a bit. Originally, I was going to write this blog about what I just said – getting back into the swing of things after a long break (especially one not entirely of your choosing). Instead of that, however, I’m going to take some time to process my thoughts on a bit of a revelation I shared with Katie recently.
I guess the easy preface is this. If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you’ll know that I don’t really consider myself much of a writer. I’m not trained, I never did particularly well in my English/Literature classes, and the only thing I’ve ever had published is a single restaurant review in the UNH newspaper. I’m not really certain why I never bothered to write another, but I feel like it had something to do with how my article was edited? It was years ago at this point.
I have friends, on the other hand, who are writers. Trained writers. People who have been published in collections and zines. They’re people who also happen to know about my efforts with both the comic project and Lulach Beryl, and I’ve found myself in a bit of difficult place. In writing the podcast, I’ve expanded the number of speaking roles as the scene seemed to demand (I do very little outlining so it tends to come as a surprise), but that necessitates getting those friends on board to read parts, and it turns out I’m kind of terrified of what they’ll think.
So basically I stumbled upon my insecurities.
That was really…something. I tend to be a a go-with-the-flow type of fella, so any time I have a moment of self-awareness like that it stands out. This exploration is already being helpful. I’m being honest with myself, and vulnerable with you, readers, and in doing so having a lot more clarity.
Honesty begets honesty. My friends are good people, and I can be honest with them. I can tell them that I would like them to read my scripts, and take their advice. But I can also feel free to tell them that I am self-conscious about them, and know they’ll help me through that.
Thanks for reading.